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Posts Tagged ‘humor’


Mera naam hai Coder Pandey
Jo coding k liye apni jaan de.
Mai din bhar coding karta hun
Nahi Duniya se mai darta hun.
Suabh se leke raat tak
Dhoop se barsat tak.
Sardi ho ya garmi ho
Coding hi meri karni ho.

CodeChef ho ya ho spoj
Coding karke aati mauj.
Coding k liye raat bhar jagta
Choti companies k muh nahi lagta
Mujhe facebook leke jayegi
Google ko meri yaad ayegi
Microsoft mere kadmo me hogi
Aur mai punchunga “Kitna dogi ?”

Nahi karta hun college ki padhai
Bas coding me hai dhoom machai
Ek raat me syllabus complete
Ache achon ko phir kia defeat
Pointers bhi maintain hai
Kyunki faad mera brain hai
Jindagi me nahi koi gam hai
Isiliye meri coding me dam hai.

Jo bhi mere samne aata
Uski maa ka saaki naaka.
Phir bhi kismat mujhpe hansti
Coder ko ladki nahi phansti.
Mil bhi gayi to tik nahi pati
Kyunki lappi hai mera jeevansathi.
Woh puche aaj ka kya program hai
Mai bolu Codechef pe 3000 inaam hai

Usne pucha kya kya pasand hai
Mai bas bola 2 din se coding band hai.
Isliye nahi milti mujhe koi bhi ladki
Dost bhi ab mujhe kehte hain tharki.
Koi nahi hai apna, bas coding hi mere sath hai
Code dekh k ladkiyan bole, wah “bhai” kya baat h.
Yahi sunke khush ho lete ki kahin to hum don hai
Warna to apni life hamesha forever alone hai.

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This week before V – Day is a kind of ambiguous week for most of the peoples, especially for guys – what to do and what not to do? Those who are already in a relation will be struggling to compensate the expectations of their girlfriends, whereas those who are trying on someone will be trying hard to get a confirmation in return for their efforts and gifts. Many people’s relationship status will get changed to committed, whereas many will become single (as number of girls remain constatnt). I hope u people have understood the bracket part of last line :P.

Well.., in this special week for lovers, I thought of telling you what actually love is, coz many are still confused about its definition. For defining love I will just quote a stolen Hindi proverb which says :

“Ye wo Laddoo hai.. Jo khaye pachtaye.. Jo na khaye pachtaye”

Before coming to the topic of this article I want to list out one more thought of mine. – Why these special days are only for girls. I mean why can’t a girl give roses to a person whom she loves, or shares her chocolates with him, or can give him some gift that he would be delighted to have. Just think about this.

Now coming back to the theme of this article, I will name this week before V-Day as E-Week rather than V-Week, where E stands for Expenses. For guys – If you really want to make this week a special one for your girl, you are required to have at least 2000-3000 balance in your account. The amount may vary depending on your seriousness and devotion towards your relation, but still minimum requirement is of 1000 Rupees. If you don’t agree with that just go through a deep day by day analysis for this week.

1. Day One: Rose Day – If you are planning to give a single Rs.5 rose to her, then beware dude…. That rose might not look sufficient to your girl to express your love towards her and can come back to your face. Buy a bunch of roses rather. Amount: Rs.50-100.

2. Day Two: Propose Day – If you are about to propose her with lots of love in your heart but nothing in your hand, chances of acceptance automatically reduces by 50%. So better buy a proposal gift. Amount: Rs.200-300

3. Day Three: Chocolate Day – Well Well Well, a single Rs.5 DairyMilk or a Rs.20 Fruit & Nuts can never suffice a girl’s thirst for chocolates. You have to go for a Bourneville or a bigger one. And in fact you may need to buy two pieces. Amount: Rs.100-200.

4. Day Four: Teddy Bear Day – This may be the costliest thing and can pain your pocket most. Amount: Rs.500-600.

5. Day Five: Promise Day – Guys, feel relaxed now. Your days of hardship are almost over or you can say are postponed for some time. But still you can’t relax. Now the pain is for your little mind to choose a unique and effective promise. Amount: “Mai tumhare liye chaand tare tod launga”.

6. Day Six: Hug Day – The easiest, loveliest, and probably the best way in which a guy can express his love towards a girl. And believe me it’s the most precious gift you can give from your side. This is just what I feel. I don’t know whether you and your girl feel the same or not. Amount: Priceless.

7. Day Seven: Kiss Day – I can clearly see smiles on your faces with this. Ammmmmm….. I don’t know what to say. Just go for it if you can. 🙂 . Amount: “I know you are ready to pay any amount for this”.

And finally here comes your day. The V-Day. A day full of love(may be). Enjoy the day at its max(if you are getting patched up). Go out and live out loud(if you have someone to be with). And have an outing (if you are still left with some chillars in your wallet).

🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂

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“Why this college administration want us to wake up so early in the morning. I mean, don’t they love to be at their home and spend some quality time with their wives after their kids leave for school. Aaah early morning at nine is so weird. Don’t they know that engineers’ day starts at night and we need to take proper rest after that? Huh….”

I was murmuring this and cursing my college dean while I was getting ready for the first class of my college life. Somehow I managed to get into the classes by 9:12. Thank god that our teachers at least have some courtesy to provide relaxation of 15 minutes in the morning session. Being so late, I can only afford a seat in the last row. But actually that’s what I would prefer even if I come early. After settling myself there, I took an eye at my professor. Oh my god. How can a person be so monotonous in his tone and activities? If he is speaking at 60db now, then if u listen him after 30 minutes he will be still at 60db. I can’t imagine anyone more boring than him.

So I took off my eyes from him and started scanning the whole class for something of my interest or something that I can stare at for the rest of the class. Scanning from the left end till the right, my eyes stopped at an angle with center in the first row. I don’t feel the need to tell you that first rows of the classes are reserved for some beautiful creatures of earth. But I found this one as some exception. I could only see her hairs from that angle. And I don’t know when and how I suddenly started loving curly long hairs. While I was trapped in her beautiful hairs and was trying to figure out her gorgeous face, the professor started ascending to the back benches of my side. I never want my professors to come back and see what we do at back benches, but this time it was like my dream coming true.

Following the professor, her eyes too turned back and to my goodness, almost to my side. OMG….OMG….

My eyes were wide open after getting a look to her face. They got stuck at her face and my heart was feeling like-

Teri jheel si neeli aankhon me doob jane ko dil chahta hai….
Par pata nahi kyu ye kambakht chasma beech me aa jata hai….”

My eyes were begging her to take a look at me and and and…….she did. She looked at me for few seconds. Well I don’t know whether she got some message from my eyes or not, but my heart was saying to her “Yes dear yes. I am the one you are looking for last many years. I am your true mate. I am the one and only one made for you. Trust me please trust me. Don’t take your eyes away from me.”

I know I am a bit lucky but not that much. But since that first eye contact till the end of the class she was dancing, singing, laughing, having fun with me in my mind. While I was enjoying my dreams with her, suddenly my eyes and ears became attentive coz Prof. was about to take attendance. My eyes were focused on her hand and ears were listening to every single word of him with full precision.

“Roll no 33….Rahul Verma”

“Present Sir”

“Roll no 34….Puja Singh.”

“Present Sir”

It was her this time who raised hand on this call. The very next moment I started my efforts to memorize her name and roll no.

“Roll no 35….Prateek Porwal”
.
.
.
.
“Roll no 35….Prateek Porwal….??”

“aa.aa..a.p..p..present Sir”

I was shocked. I was numb. I was speechless.
Now what’s this? Is it a sign from God to bring us together or just a coincidence? Or am I still dreaming?

By the time I was busy in deciding what it is the guy beside me pinched me.

“Aaah… Why you pinched me?”

“Hi I am Rahul Verma.”

“Oh hi. I am Prateek Porwal. But why you pinched me? Is it the proper way to introduce yourself to others?”

“Oho. Why shouldn’t I? I mean, you are the one next to Puja. Lucky guy haa…”

“Oh there is nothing like that. Why should I be happy? I am not interested yaar.”

“O really..? Then I will give a try on her for sure.”

“No don’t you dare to………a..amm. I mean why you want to try on her? See the girl beside her. She is really pretty na?”

“Yaaaa. But look at Puja yaar. She is looking soooo sweet and simple. I would prefer Puja.”

I don’t know what happened to me and I stood up from my seat and went out of the class. She was there in my mind all the time. While I was waiting outside the class for next prof. to come, Puja too came outside with her friend and stood at some distance by my side in a way so that she can easily keep an eye on me. I am not at all good in acting but somehow I was trying to pretend that I am not looking at her intentionally. Seeing this, she gave a cute smile and then went back to the class.  This made all 32 of mine to appear (come front).

Well, I just followed her next into the class and knowingly passed from her front in some strange style that I have never ever adopted before. I sat back on my seat without giving a look to guy who was there by my side. But he pinched me again.

“Ooooh… What you want now?”

“Why you went outside in between our conversation?”

“Simply. No specific reason for this. Now please let me pay attention to the lecture.”

“Oh I know where your attention will be?”

“What do you mean haa?”

“Don’t try to befool me. I can sense it from your eyes what you want.”

I just kept quiet for some time and then said:

“Yaaa. Actually I don’t want you to look at Puja in that way again. Why don’t you try on her friend? I mean she is also too good yaar.”

“Hahahaha…. Don’t worry bro. I was just taunting you that time. I already have one girlfriend in my hometown and I can’t handle two at a time. In fact it is hard to handle even one. May God bless you..Hahahaha. But trust me; it’s very tough to keep them happy always. Even if u will take your heart and keep it in front of them, they will still find something to become upset and then they will look into you to do a bit more for them.”

We both laughed badly on this. But my senti eyes became shining eyes within seconds.

I took a sigh of relief after his words. At least the guy who was most likely to try on her is out of the competition. Now I was having a fair chance of winning her heart.

To be continued….

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“Hey Dad, My AIEEE rank is out. I am eligible for IIIT-Allahabad and I don’t wanna study there in Kota for one more year. I m ardent to get enrolled in this college..pleeeeeeeease.”

“But Beta I think u should give one more try for IIT. It would b a proud moment for me when I will call myself as father of one more IITian.”

“But Dad m not interested in wasting one more precious year of my life there in Kota. And what if I didn’t get selected in IIT even in my next attempt..?? ”

“Hmmm. Beta I think you can do it coz I count on your potential. But if you are unwilling to repeat then I won’t force you. But in future don’t ponder over past and say ‘Kash ek bar aur try kar liya hota’. I still insist you to have a try. But the ultimate choice is yours.”

“Oh Thanks a lot Dad. I won’t let you down even in IIIT. In fact my institute is having one extra ‘I’ than Bhaiya’s institute. So it isn’t that bad.”

My whole family was pressurizing me to repeat but somehow they got convinced by listening my somewhat senti senti stuff. I was happy like….just wow.

This made me feel as if I had just won a battle and now area is clear in front of me. She was in my mind the whole time when I was talking with Dad. Its now only that she came to rest. I just thanked God for helping me to come one step closer to her. Now I will be lacking from her by just one class, and one step ahead to make my relation come true in coming future. But I didn’t tell her about my sacrifice. And she didn’t even bother to ask me the reason for such a strange decision regarding my whole career. I just don’t know I was mad or what but I was not feeling bad for suppressing my parent’s wishes. Rather I was more happy to do a idiotic thing with my career and a good thing for her and our relation of which she was unaware.

But now when I ponder over those days I find myself as a crazy guy who kept a girl over his career and parents. And in fact crazy word doesn’t suits me instead. Fool suits better. Coz the present condition of mine proves me as fool. Now the girl for whom I took that step is not with me and she never mind how am I performing in academics. And my parents whom I ignored that time are standing with me with full support regarding my performance in academics and are happy for my happiness.

Now I feel ashamed of myself that how a girl can put that much impact on me for which I went against family and my own career. Now I just think “Kash us waqt ek aur try kar liya hota”. And I still remember the words of my Dad-”Beta I know you have the potential and don’t give yourself a chance to say Kash ek aur try….”.

Words of my Dad were pounding in my head. And whenever I think of my past, his words make me realize my mistake of not taking them seriously. Now see where I am. Neither am I having the girl nor IIT.
So finally I decided that its never too late to learn from your mistakes. And golden words of my dad were still playing major role in motivating me. I kept murmuring the whole day “Yes Prat you have the potential and you must give yourself one more try”.

The very next day when I went to the college with my friend I asked him to take a look at a beautiful girl. But he started staring at her.
I knocked him hard on his head and said “Bhabhi hai teri. Izzat se dekh.”

Yes friends I am giving myself one more try and of course I know I have the potential……………..
😀 😉

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My Sweet Morning and She:

 

It was around 8:30 in the morning. A great mess was spread all around. I was in a position that I can’t express. My roomies were sleeping as if they got drunk last night, with a don’t care expression for time and college on their faces. And even same was my condition. And I was busy with the sweet dream that she wished me last night before she went to bed. My laptop was below my legs. And my mobile……….??
Oh, my God where is my mobile…..?

My hands started scanning for it with my eyes still closed. When I didn’t find that, I woke up frightened…..
But do you really feel that I woke up with worries about my mobile on my face..??

Nah….
I woke up with a deep expression of irritation. Now instead of looking for it on the table or rack, I took my head out of my bed and looked down on the floor coz I know it’s not the first time that I didn’t find my mobile with me. It usually happens coz sometimes; just to feel my sweet dream as real I move my body accordingly. And these body movements of mine normally make my mobile to suffer. Anyways, when I looked down I found it far away below my roommate’s bed. I took It from there and scolded him “What were you doing there idiot. Don’t you know you were supposed to be on my bed under my pillow..? How you went there…?? ”. This caused deep silence in my room (although it was already). But my mobile didn’t say a word. I again shouted in a higher tone than before coz his silence after my last question increased my anger. “My question was for you stupid. Why u went there? Don’t you find my bed comfortable enough for your sleep…?? My mother sent you to be with me always. And you were supposed to wake me up at 8 today… What’s the time now…?”

I knew that it’s more than 8 now coz I can sense it from my surrounding light and through my window. But the thing that made me angrier was my mobile. He still didn’t answer. So, with my whole strength of that lazy morning, I pressed his center button. As soon as I pressed it, my mode changed from anger mode to danger mode. There were 10 new missed calls. Deep shit and fear rolled down my skin. It was her. She normally gives me calls in group of 10’s. I mean once she finds that I am unable to pick up the phone right now, she keeps calling me until the figure rises to 10. The logic behind this figure is; it gives the number of missed calls a two digit number which in turn gives her more right and reason to scold me. My tone suddenly changed to the most polite version I have with me. I politely asked my mobile- “Dear why didn’t u wake me up while she was calling…?” He didn’t answer this time too. But when I had a look at the top of the screen it says “Your mobile is in silent mode”.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Now you see how innocent my mobile is. It wasn’t his fault but still he was hearing my harsh words. I quickly put it on General mode and said “Sorry friend I was not knowing that I forgot to move you to the general mode after my class yesterday.” And you know my mobile is so kind hearted. So he forgave me.

But the problem was she was not that kind. While I was worrying about the calls my phone screen flashed again. It was her again. My hands started shivering. My whole body was trembling so hard and I found myself in dilemma whether to pick up the phone now or the next time. I thought so because the 1 minute time that I will get in between those two calls can save me from the unwanted consequences. So I preferred to pick it up next time.

That one minute was mind-storming for me. Two halves of my brain were struggling to decide an excuse.
First was saying to tell the truth that I was asleep. While the second part was making counter comments that she will yell like hell on you if you tell her that u were asleep as she was calling since 7:30.

So the 2nd one said to tell her that I was taking bath. Now the 1st one rose opposition. He said that she knows it very well that you can never take bath so early and before your class as you are too lazy, and she will surely catch the lie.

By the time my two halves were busy making arguments, phone ranged again. Oh fish man I am about to face her in next few seconds and those two idiots are still struggling to prove themselves right. But what should I do now. Neither I am ready with the excuse nor I can ignore the call, coz if I ignored it again I will have to face a big trouble the next time I call her. The only option left with me was to pick up the call and face my fate. My condition was like a man who is weak hearted and has just seen the most horrible movie made till now. My whole body was shivering, hands were unstable and lips were not in a condition to say a word. How will I face her…??
Oh God save me this time. Next time I will surely take care of my calls and will wake up by 5 o’clock in the morning. But please do save me this time. Please God please.
Finally I picked up the phone and was terrified enough to say a broken Hello. I said “H..h..h..e..e..ll..o”. From the other side I heard a very very sweeeeeet voice saying “Good morning dear”.

To your surprised faces, I must say now that the whole image that I made of her till now is just opposite.

The real truth is that she is the sweetest, the most loving, the most caring and of course the most adorable person I have ever met in my life till now. She really mean so much in my life and ya u guessed it right – I really love her a lot.

Coming back to my phone chat now. I replied her in a lazy tone “Yaaah……..Good Morning”.
Without saying a word about why I didn’t picked up her phone she first enquired “You had your breakfast?”

She cares for me more than I do. Just because of this nature of her I love her the most. We had some nice talk then and while I was enjoying my conversation with her she reminded me the time. Oh it’s 8:55 m still at my bed. I need to be in the college by 9 and its just 5 minutes that I have.

I was having two options now: One is to run away to college rite now without wasting a minute (Thanks to Listerine mouthwash that can make this possible) and Second is to have my breakfast first and get late for the class.

Now u may be thinking that what I would have chosen.

I went for the second option just because of her. She always insists me to have breakfast as she knows I normally skip it in hurry. So I decided to make my teacher wait for me for 10 minutes and I promised my dear one that I won’t go without having it.

This made her feel so happy and then I concluded my phone chat with my love towards her.

“Byeee…. Love You Mumma”.

And that sweet one replied me in return with same love and affection.

“Love You too Beta. Have a great day.”

…………………………………………

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